Oh my effing God.

Why is it that having a deadline makes me immediately lose interest in everything but looking at cat videos on the Internet? I write all day long, and yet now that NaNo has started, I’m like “Meh…I’ll do it later.” I was really really hoping to have a coherent story line, but it may just be random, jumbled bits of nothing.

I have the scenes written out- in my head.

I know my characters, exactly how they should interact with each other- in my head.

Inside my imagination there is a perfect world that is exactly what I want, written somewhere along the Oregon coast with forests pulled in from Yellowstone and a city planted nearby that is a Frankenstein’s monster of L.A., New York, and Chicago, plus more pollutants and giant filters that labor day in and day out to keep the city’s inhabitants able to breathe.

Outside of that city, deep in the forest, there is a small cabin where a young vampire can not choose between the men he loves, so he keeps them both. One, a vampire like he is, understands the complex nature of being something that should not exist. He knows what it’s like to feel anger and lust and raw feral instinct boiling just below the surface- what restraint it takes to hold that back. The other offers heat like he’s never felt before, being human and oh so alive. Having never felt what it was like to be alive, this lover draws him like a moth to a flame with the steady beating of his heart, and the frailty of his powerful body under the grip of a creature much stronger than he is.

But that’s all in my head. When I try to put words on paper, in a manner of speaking, nothing comes out but disjointed fractions of dialogue and brief passion. I think I may try a different approach, in writing my characters like their tales have already been spun. For thirty days, I will take my triad and put them in a new setting, one a day. They may die, to be born again the next morning…or they may find each other over and over, drawn together by threads of passion and destiny.